a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
