I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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