Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
