her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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