Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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