Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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