So drunk its hurt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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