Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
