note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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