Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
