Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
