i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
