you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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