she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
