Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
