dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
