As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
