was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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