he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
