don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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