I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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