so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she told me i tasted like america
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
