I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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