I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
