Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
