OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
