I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
