Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
