my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone came in the potted fern
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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