I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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