Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
