Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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