I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
