the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
