Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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