I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
