They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
