Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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