i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
