Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
