Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
