well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
