A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
