I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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