I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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