Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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