She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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