I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
