My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
