Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
