Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
