i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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