I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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