I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
