I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
