You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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