I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
