You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
